Is it really such an elusive emotion or state of being?
I’ve found happy in the last few days in various places;
- hanging out washing on the line in the sunshine knowing it will dry and come in smelling sweeter and feeling softer that it ever would hung over radiators or having been tumble dried in a laundrette.
- being snuggled up with both Dragon and Star shortly after waking in the morning. I can’t see further than the end of my sleeping bag yet because I’ve not put my contact lenses in and my bladder is complaining about needing a wee but nothing compares to the giggles and cuddles from both my babies before the day has yet to properly begin.
- a cd I left in a cd player which we’d given to friends was discovered and returned to us. It was one I made for our Bye Then party last year before we went off WWOOFing. The playlist contains songs by artists with Wonder or Wander in their names, or in the lyrics or titles of the songs. An ecclectic mix with Elvis, Wonderstuff, Mike Flowers Pops, Oasis, Status Quo, Simply Red and many other all side by side. We’ve listened to it several times in the car since and it makes me smile with memories of both creating the disc in the first place and of the actual party.
- I’ve done baking! Bread and rolls, snickerdoodles, cookies, flapjacks. Sugary snacks for my family made with my own fair hands. I’ve had flour streaked cheeks and felt the rush of hot air in my face as I open the oven door.
- I had a lovely conversation with Star about memories and childhood and how making dreams come true is very important indeed.
- A moment when I realised I am sharing my life with precisely the right people when all four of shared the same sense of annoyance over some people making presumptions and silly remarks. I also enjoyed the reactions of a handful of friends to the same thing.
- A friend ringing the same day I’d decided to ring her and arrange to visit with her usual supernatural instinct – she all but rang to ask ‘when are you coming then?’ as though I’d already asked the question.
- Talking, talking and talking. I love talking (I may have mentioned this before). I love chewing the fat, setting the world to rights, discussing, debating, comparing ideas and thoughts and thrashing things out. It makes me feel alive like nothing else. I’ve done loads of it this last week – with friends, with new people I’d never met before, with people manning stands selling solar panels, with more friends, with Ady, Dragon and Star. It’s been a good talking week.
In the past I’ve been accused (quite rightfully) of placing very high levels of importance on happy, of letting money slip through my fingers, of making silly decisions, of being rash. All true, guilty as charged.
My default state is happy anyway, I’m not a worrier by nature and I look on the lighter, brighter side of life. But I refuse to subscribe to waiting and seeing, to saving for the future, to doing something I don’t enjoy in the hopes that it pay off at some later stage. What if it doesn’t?
So maybe this blogpost title should not be chasing happy, it should be ‘Finding Happy’. I think that might just be what happiness really is, the ability to look and see it in all the small places. Happy doesn’t come with a map or a guidebook, I think maybe the place to look for it is in the mirror.